It is all folks.I am home :D hehe..That was it.I don't know how much you enjoyed it, but it made me so uch pleasure to write it, so I can say that I really am happy right now, just like in my story.I won't stop writing, it is just this story that is just enough.It is how it should be :) Maybe some of you will keep reading my dumb and idiot writings.I will probably have other blogs, but you can see anything you wish on my profile.:)
Hope you enjoyed it! The kindest regards, Teo ^^
Back home
"I leave the dusty garden.I leave everything.I need my old place back.I am walking.I am taking step by step full of determination.I am walking.I hear a dog barking.It begins to rain again.I see the moon.I begin to fly.Again.Conicidence?No way.I am flying far away from here.And I know where I am going to.I smile evil.I fly.I need to go there.It is the only way I will find my way.I see it.I go down on the ground.I look up and smile.The carousel.It is so old and dusty and I am not sure it still works fine.I take a sit on it.Ah.Aaaah.Some pain stings my head.Memories.Everything.Mom.Child.Poor child.I close my eyes.I feel just like in my sweet childhood.So happy, joyfull and energic.Yes, this is what I needed.I go back down.Thank you.I smile.I think I am not confused anymore.I fly.I fly and fly and fly.I fly far away.I see it.Yes!Yes.Yes..My voice gets lower.A tear comes out of my right eye.Yes..I stop.I stare.I fall.Again.Coincidence?No way.I fall.I keep on falling.I am so excited.My falling takes too much time.I look at my left hand, as I would look at my clock.I laugh.I didn't ever wear a clock, why would I do it now?I can feel the ground somewhere not too far under me.I look.I fall down at last.I am happy.Everything happened like it had to.I stand on the ground.Pain stings all my body.That beautiful pain.I am standing in a cold blood puddle.Ah.I taste every second here.I take a deep breathe.I close my eyes.I open them wide and look up, on the sky.It is raining.I have walked, flew and fell again.I died again.I am watching the sky again.I look at the moon and I listen the sweet sound of dog barks.I look around.The house.The ground.The door opened.I turn my eyes all around slowly.They are tired.The gate.The bushes.The swing and the roses garden.I need to.I can't.But I need to.I sigh.Ah!I slowly get up.I look at the door.The door.The bell rings.I get closer to the door.I put my right foot on the stair.Please.I tremble.Tears are flowing on my cheeks.I smile.Please.I laugh, while crying.I need to.I put my left hand on door's knob.I open my eyes wide.All the pain is gone.Suddenly, I can smell my mom's food.I can hear dad watching cartoons on tv.I can see my sister in front of the computer.I can.I did it.I smile and wipe my tears.I smile.I am happy.I did it and I am finally back home.
That heavy rose..
No rain today
"I've got a headache.It is all I am capable to say.It's painfull, but somehow I enjoy it, just because I know it could have been worse.Maybe it's not the best thought, but it makes me see things totally different.It makes me know I am not the last one.I will never be.Nobody is.I am walking.I'm passing by an old house, all covered of dark green ivy.It's sad to see this city so silent, so dead.I am walking on the dark street, folowing my shadow.I am going into a garden.I see some old roses visible unkempt. I'm walking on the too-much-grown grass.All around I see cigarettes butts on the ground.I look forward and realise there is an old dusty swing in front of my eyes.I slowly walk towards it.I touch it with a hand and take a little dust on my dirty fingers.I sit.It is just like in my childhood.So pure and kind.So beautiful and .. wasted.I sigh.I am slowly pushing myself in front and back in the swing.It creaks.I'm slowly looking forward, in my left and in my right side.My eyes are lazyly following my comands and try to see everything all around.They are too tired.Near me, on the left side, there is a doll.I watch it straight.I am confused.Should I?Do I have the right to?I'm leaning down and carefully take it.I am softly placing it in my lap.I used to have a doll too.I used to play and sing along all day long.I used to .. Hmm..I take a moment for me.To think.I used to do many things.I am now just silently looking at the dusty dirty beautiful doll.I begin playing on the swing again.I watch the sky.It is cloudy.It is dark.But it does not rain anymore.Not on this street, not today.Maybe tomorrow, who knows? But for now it is all silence and peace.But this peace comes along with that silent, deadly fuss."
Hey! :D It is the first time when I am talking apart of my "story". I know my story would make you believe I am one of the saddest freak in the world. Actually I am a person totally different of the main and single character. He is like..the opposite me, maybe because I wanted to see thru some totally different person's eyes. It is amazing and believe me or not, it makes me see things in some other way.Everything is inspired from the real life, but with a bit fantasy, a little confusing storyline and some imagination, I get to this :D I know that "myself" from the story keeps being in contradiction with himself, but this is what makes my story apart from others. I know it is confusing, but I hope you enjoy it. I am writing this in english, so anyone around the world could read it. Don't missunderstand me hehe I am a freak, but I am not any kind of emo or something. I am a normal person just like you.I would really like to hear you opinions about me, my blog or anything, so I am waiting your comments and reactions right on this post or at any other posts, or just sign on my question "Did you enjoy my story?":D. Remember to read down-to-up. :DBest wishes from me!Enjoy and keep reading! :D
Too fast.Too deep.Too complicated.
"I'm walking.I'm thinking.I'm trying to believe that my life is still as simple as it used to be.I've been walking so fast and so far away from me.I know, there's nowhere to hide when you hide from yourself, but I didn't realize that all this time I was only affraid of my own person.I've been running away of my own shadow, but it's all wrong.I've acted too fast .I've got myself deep inside my own wound.I have complicated my life when I didn't need to, just because I am how I am, a simple man.I laugh sarcastic.I so love the way I've made my life look like a drama.I don't cry anymore, I don't sigh anymore.I've done all these too much and I'm simply repeating.I am no longer creative and original.I am no longer me.I am affraid of my shadow.But my shadow is just a clone of my own person.It is the perfectioned one.It sees everything, it hears everything, but it never says any single word about it."
Just because I like the simple things
"If I could fly, I would simply walk on the ground because seeing the entire world with one single deep look in one single moment would make the rest of my life too complicated."
Wake up
"Wake up!I need to wake up.It has been an awesome night.I will remember it forever and ever.Too bad I've fallen asleep and never woke up again.I sigh happy.I start walking again.I move my hand in the air.I want to touch it.I smile.I love the atmosphere that stands between me and reality.I am living a dream.It's the only place where I can be myself and nothing else.I watch the sky.Here, I live in a continue night, just because I want it.I watch the stars.Here, I can watch the stars anytime I wish, just because I want and love to.Right here, I can feel the rain drops anytime I want because everything is as I wish.And yes.This is what I wish.This lonely life in this dark place, far away from reality.I don't really wait the morning that I know will come one day.Right now I finally realize everything that I wouldn't usually do.I realize that I am happy when I want to be, not when the universe gives me the best shit I can have.I can be the happiest person ever, even in the worst place.My heart beats fast.My breathe slows down.I watch the sky and the shiny shy stars hiding somewhere behind the clouds.I smile.I feel like I could kill the time right now, but unfortunately I need one more second to realize, think and believe it.I need one more second to believe in me."
Just a man
"And I used to say : I am just a man with a sword.And I am not strong, I only have the power of the word. And that was the moment when I really saw that I am not as stupid as I thought.Some would say I am right, but there will always be 'that' people that will always disagree with me, that will tell me that I am wrong, and that will make me stronger.Because I am just a man."
Memories.I smile.
"Hey.Yes.Hey.I'm repeating.I laugh.Yes, I'm drunk.I am walking.I laugh again.It's fun.I take a cigarette off my pocket.I also take the match and slowly lit my cigarette.I look at it softly and then I take a smoke.Ahh..It feels amazing.Just me and you.All my vital signs are in allert now.I let the smoke go out.I watch it fly in front of my eyes.I watch the dark sky and think of you.Yes.It is nice somehow.I take my mp3 out and turn it on.I put the headphones in my ears and turn the music on.I wouldn't usually specify, but:Közeli helyeken by Depresszió.Nice song.It goes very well with the alchool.I smile.I take another smoke from my cigarette.I watch it carefully.I'm trying to sing the song along, no matter how the lyrics are.They wrote my soul.I smile.Yes!Yes.I'd love another night with friends.Right now.Right here.All because it doesn't count where and when it happens.It's just..the persons that matter.It's just the happiness that comes along that counts.It's the drinks.The thick smoke that our cigarettes leave.Ah.I want to see you now.Yes, I'm smoking.Yes, I'm drinking.Yes, I'm just another vagabond now.I know, you might not be really proud of me right now, but I'm afraid I had to dissappoint you sooner or later.I'm not really like that, but at some certain moment I had to do it too.I take another smoke.I sigh.I take another sip of my drink.Yes, I am drunk!Yes!Look at me!I burst in tears.Yes..My voice gets lower.Yes..I keep on smoking.I wipe my tears.I laugh.Ahh.I'm better now.I smile.I'm walking.I take some other smoke of my sweet cigarette.I know, I always pretend that I know everything.In fact I just want to hear you saying all kind of stuff so I can learn from you.I want to learn.I know, I always pretend I am happy, when in fact I just want to see you smiling next to me, so I can smile too.I'm drunk.Hell yeah!I am.I really am.Drunk.I've never thought I'd get to this, but I am not gonna complain or anything.Feel it!Taste it!Watch me scream!I yell out loud.I smile.I don't know if you hear the same thing as I say, but I might at least try, right?.I take another smoke and a sip on alchool.It's not me, I know thins for certain, but I'll accept it for a while.It might be fun.I smile.I'm just me, in some other way.I smile.Yes.That's it.I take the last smoke of the cigarette and I extinguish it.It was cool.I remembered a lot of things.Memories.I smile.It is nice to remember all kind of stuff that makes you smile, even tought it was all proof of stupidness and shit.They are memories.They make our life more beautiful in moments when we just want to get our past away cause in fact, what's the matter?"
I just need that
"Apart of that, I am happy, you know?I close my eyes. I let the rain clean my past.I let my memories fall slowly in a dark corner of my mind.Why? It's simple.There's no reason.It is like that just because I want it to be like that.I catch some rain drops in my hand.I crash them and sqeeze them and .. simply let them fall on the ground.I open my eyes suddenly when I hear them hitting the ground.I sigh, as I always do.I..I think I'm going back home.Yes.It is just the perfect thing to do.I miss the old fluffy black blind cat called Parks.I miss little John, the tin soldier and the dusty musical box.I miss old grandpa from the wall and the frail swing in the roses garden.Yes.Everything came back to me as a shadow.I think it is what I need.I no longer need this life of illusions and blind fortune.I no longer want to sit here, all by myself.I am happy, please don't get me wrong.I am really happy! And I know I'll come back soon, but for moment, I need my past back.I need my mommy and the old fairy stories.I need home!"
Just like I used to..
"Hi.Yes, that's what I've said, 'hi'.I am back, just as I use to be.Always coming back.The past is all that I have left.I watch the sky.Night has slowly fallen as a shadow over the empty city.I watch the sky.I remember all those days.Time and time passed since then.Everything changed, but nothingness is still the same.I watch the stars that are left on the dark sky by the rain.I simply love those little shy shiny candles.They are just too cute for me.I jab my hands in my pockets.I have a candy.I smile and giggle childishly.I love caressing myself.I am the only one who does it, so I enjoy every moment.I am so full of energy, but I am simply staying here.I am walking a few steps and I get down on the cold curb.Near me, an old bottle sitts in dissappointment.What if..?I look at it.I bring it up in front of my eyes.I sigh.Just me and my bottle.'For eternity!', I shout loud and drink.I am so happy, dude.I am so fucking happy.I want to see you feeling everything like me now.Walking.Flying.Falling.Dead.Everything went according to plans.I laugh evil.I start whistling.I want to dance.I close my eyes and leave myself fall on my back.I watch the sky, while rain drops are playing a piano song on my face.It rains over my face, over my body, over my person and over my bottle.I am sick.I am insane.I am stupid.I am all I wish.I know, I am alive, in my own dead way."
Getting over it
"I'm smiling.I make steps forward.I believe now.It's raining.Since my death I've been such a silly.I am affraid of my own shadow.How can I pretend to be dead?!I am still just a kid.I can't act differently of how myself tells me.I need to be myself.I need to be real.I'm smiling.It's raining.It is very fun to look back on the past days.I can't keep myself from laughing.I make one more step.I take a look around me.Everything changed.It rained so much.There is a puddle in front of me.I slowly and carefully step in it.It reminds me of childhood.I kneel down.I wash my hands in the dirty water.I touch my face with my hands.Ah.I can't feel anything, but the rain drops.My life turned into dirt.I love it.I get up.I touch my medallion.I pull it off.I bring it in front of my eyes.I leave my hand down.I constrict it in my hand.I let my head down and I close my eyes.I throw the medallion away in dissappointment.I hear a thunder somewhere far.I never thought I'll get to this.But here I come.I miss the past-self.I am getting over it.I am going to try act normal, because somehow, I'll get back to where I belong and it will be so fine.I will be back to you."
It is just my insanity
"I sigh.I can't recognise myself.I've changed alot and I don't really feel like it.I've lost my whole identity.I know, the world is cruel.But it doesn't mean I am free to fuck myself.I am standing.I watch my hands carefully.I turn them around and back, studying them.No.Things shouldn't have gone so far.I can't believe I left myself get to this.I am standing.My legs are trembling.Tears fall on my cold hands.I take a deep breathe.I can't believe that I kept on being confused.I can't believe that I kept pretending I was the victim all this time.Don't missunderstand me.After all, I am human too.I laugh a bit.Everything changes every other second lived.I am standing.I get my head up.I am watching the sky.It begins to rain.I am turning all around through rain drops.I am caught in my own fairytale.I smile.I fall on my knees.I am crying o happiness.It is for certain now.I have turned insane, but this is all that I have left.In fact, why wouldn't I abuse my insanity? Nobody can or has the right to blame me now."
Nothing left
"I feel like I've fallen asleep.I feel like now I am deeply dreaming and my subconscious is guiding me to unknown lands, where I can't do anything to protect myself.I can see crows struggling, all over the ground.They can't fly.The sky is covered by huge black clouds.I can't see anything around me.A thick fog swallows the air.I don't even know if it is day or night.I can listen the tragic screams of crows.Even that usually they scare everything around them, they seem to be now the ones frightened.It smeels as disappointment over here.I can hear a gun shot.I startle and automatically get on the ground.A train's noise.A woman's scream and a dog bark.Silence.A door creaks right behind me.I feel just like a stickman.Fearless, shameless and even the wind can slow me down.It feels like I could fall down at every desperate move of the sky.But no.I can keep my head up.I can keep on getting back up, even thought I hate every piece of earth right now.I don't give a single fuck for anyone or anything.I just want to be alone, like I've always been.I am a freak.I live to freak the life out.No shame.I can't even imagine how and why I would be ashamed of something that doesn't count for anyone.I stand up.I am walking, like I used to.I don't want to watch the sky, but it is unavoidable.Tears are crashing over my face.I can see somehow the ceiling.I feel like I am living in one of that globes with snow flakes.I hate giving any explanations.I hate being me right now. And you know? I used to be another person."
Living my own eternity
"I keep my head in my lap.I am so scared.I am caught between hell and heaven.I cover my head with my hands.I close my eyes and I keep them closed.I'm trembling.It's the first time when I am affraid.It feels like hell.Suddenly I release all my muscles.I get up and I start walking like nothing happened.It's like I've just woke up from a nightmare.I am free.I can be whoever I want to be, how I want to be, because there is nobody that can say anything about it anymore.I don't need to worry about anything.Now that I'm dead.I feel weird.I act weird.I am a weird person.Or I've been.I am .. a ghost now?It doesn't matter.I'm walking, hitting little rocks with my shoe.I am thinking deep.I'm in my world now.I need to learn to be myself.I am kind of sorry for what I left.For my dog life.But this is what I wanted to do and I am happy with my decision.I sigh happily.How much I wish you'll find yourself in my words.Maybe someday it will happen.I've got enough time, now, that I've escaped from my deadly days.I can live forever, prisoner in my own eternity."
Forward and forth!
"I'm feeling really heavy.Hundreads of clouds have fallen all over my corpse.I wish you'd see me now.Wait a second.Who am I talking to?I close my eyes.I am probably turning insane. I've got a lump in my throat.I can't breathe.My face got white.Sun lights me up.It's annoying.I want to escape right now!I'm still waiting painfull.My heart beats one more time and done.Everything is gone.I am so easy now.I'm getting up slowly.I leave my lifeless body.I take a look at it.I open my eyes wide, surprised.I was smiling.I died happy.I laugh a little.I start jumping around.It is fun.I can go everywhere everytime I wish.I can live my death exactly how I wish.I hope it is not going to end soon.I began singing.I watch the sunshines lighting world step by step.I listen to the tiny birds.Their twitter is a better music than anything.I enjoy listening to it.The best clock in the morning.I'm caught in this tale.I can see something covering the sun.I look straight.I watch it getting closer, and closer.Right when I was finally seeing it, I feel something on my shoulder.I turn around.I startle scared and I turn back.There is a demon behind me.I am scared to look forward.In my front I see something so white and shiny.I cover my eyes.I see, between my fingers, two huge wings.An angel.I rub my eyes.I let myself fall down.I cover my head in my lap.I raise my head slowly to see if it was an illusion.Two heads, a dark one and a shiny one hang above myself.I leave my head fall back softly.And this is not the end.My death is just the beggining of my story.And I take a last look to my future past."
I am falling
"I am falling.I raise my hand straight to the stars left on the black sky.I'm not moving too fast.I'm feeling like I'm in a slow motion movie.My hair's flying around me.It hits my face.I can feel my hair just like some little ice cubes scratching my face.It hurts somehow.I am falling.I can see a drop of warm water in front of my face, falling right after me.I touch my left eye.It's wet.I laugh a little.That's my tear.But I am not sad.I am just crying of happiness.Nobody would understand me now.I am all positive, but talking about negativity.Hell on earth.I am falling.All dead.I am so excited.I haven't ever thought death is my whole dream.I am going to a heaven full of demons.My own heaven.My own universe.My falling takes too much time.The sun has already began to light up the sky.I take a last look at it.I can clearly see that there is just one star left.Free fall.I wish that I'll remember what I did in future.Years and years later I'll tell you this story and you'll think that is happening right now.False.This is what I make you believe.I am falling.I am getting closer to the ground.I can hear a car's hooter.Closer.Closer.A little more.Done.I felt on the hard ground.I can feel pain in my entire body.Every little piece of me is trembling right now.Years of pain are now flowing through my blood out of my body.I am fully dead now.And I could do this forever and ever and once again."
I am flying
"I’m flying.It is still raining.Cold snow flies around me.I open my eyes wide.I can only see ice, everywhere I’m looking.It is still night and I'm flying to nowhere.It is cold.I’ve got sick of everyone and everything.I cover my ears with my cold hands. I am frozen, but I enjoy every single second lived here, above the entire world, in my own loneliness.Just me and myslef.I watch every white shiny headlight on the empty street.I can’t understand anyone.If everyone could hear the music of my soul.If everyone could see what I watch day by day.I’ve got melancholic with no reason.Random.This is how I feel.Still, I act like a weird person.I can’t recognise myself.I sigh.I’m still flying.Trying to reach unknown lands.Unknown.Of course.I take a look to my back and I see nothing.Moon has gone.It followed me all my way and disappeared when I needed it the most.Not the first one.I close my eyes in disappointment.Suddenly I startle.I can feel a golden warm shine on my ice cheek.The sun.I'm slowly smiling.It’s the most beautiful thing that happens in my life.I die for the first time."
I am walking
"I'm walking.I'm watching the sky.It's raining, but I can see no cloud on the black sky, I can only see the shiny stars crying.I can't pretend I am the unhappiest person I've ever seen, because I would lie.In fact I am really happy right now.I'm walking.This cold snow is shyly sitting on my hair.It's still raining and I can see the moon right now slowly falling on my shoulder.I take a deep breath.It's really funny how I'm acting like I am caught in earth's melancholy.I'm walking.I'm slowly smiling.Step by step I am getting closer to nothing.I'm smiling again.I can't control myself and I begin to laugh out loud.It is getting scary for everything around me.I am just smiling now.I take a look at the sky, one more time.The moon is shining and I can hear a dog barking to it.The moon seems happy.Someone who loves her.Amazing.I am walking.Slowly I get to be covered with snow.It is nice and friendly from it.The coldness it's getting me under it's wing.It's night and I'm not walking anymore.I began flying and I enjoy it.I close my eyes and I get straight into the coldness.I smile one more time."
Abonați-vă la:
Postări (Atom)