It is just my insanity

"I sigh.I can't recognise myself.I've changed alot and I don't really feel like it.I've lost my whole identity.I know, the world is cruel.But it doesn't mean I am free to fuck myself.I am standing.I watch my hands carefully.I turn them around and back, studying them.No.Things shouldn't have gone so far.I can't believe I left myself get to this.I am standing.My legs are trembling.Tears fall on my cold hands.I take a deep breathe.I can't believe that I kept on being confused.I can't believe that I kept pretending I was the victim all this time.Don't missunderstand me.After all, I am human too.I laugh a bit.Everything changes every other second lived.I am standing.I get my head up.I am watching the sky.It begins to rain.I am turning all around through rain drops.I am caught in my own fairytale.I smile.I fall on my knees.I am crying o happiness.It is for certain now.I have turned insane, but this is all that I have left.In fact, why wouldn't I abuse my insanity? Nobody can or has the right to blame me now." 

Nothing left

"I feel like I've fallen asleep.I feel like now I am deeply dreaming and my subconscious is guiding me to unknown lands, where I can't do anything to protect myself.I can see crows struggling, all over the ground.They can't fly.The sky is covered by huge black clouds.I can't see anything around me.A thick fog swallows the air.I don't even know if it is day or night.I can listen the tragic screams of crows.Even that usually they scare everything around them, they seem to be now the ones frightened.It smeels as disappointment over here.I can hear a gun shot.I startle and automatically get on the ground.A train's noise.A woman's scream and a dog bark.Silence.A door creaks right behind me.I feel just like a stickman.Fearless, shameless and even the wind can slow me down.It feels like I could fall down at every desperate move of the sky.But no.I can keep my head up.I can keep on getting back up, even thought I hate every piece of earth right now.I don't give a single fuck for anyone or anything.I just want to be alone, like I've always been.I am a freak.I live to freak the life out.No shame.I can't even imagine how and why I would be ashamed of something that doesn't count for anyone.I stand up.I am walking, like I used to.I don't want to watch the sky, but it is unavoidable.Tears are crashing over my face.I can see somehow the ceiling.I feel like I am living in one of that globes with snow flakes.I hate giving any explanations.I hate being me right now. And you know? I used to be another person."