That heavy rose..

"I'm silently sitting on the swing.I am simply sitting.I sigh and take a breathe.I close my eyes.I am slowly getting up and I am softly placing the doll on the swing.I walk towards a rose bush.I look at it and silently take one single dark red rose.Everything happens so slow lately.I am doing everything like I am in a slow motion movie.Some kind of a black and white old movie.But I am not any Marylin Monroe or the well known Charles Chaplin.No, I am simply me.And it is pretty enough.I look at the rose I took.I turn it all around in front of my face and watch it carefully.I play it in my ice hands.Ah.I look at my right hand and see a little warm blood drop.No pain.I smile.I look at the rose.It looks old, dark, dusty and heavy.It carries a lot of rain dust.I close the rose in my fist.I close my eyes.A small clear tear cleanse my eye leashes.I can feel the warmness that has been caught in my fist.Dirty blood drops fall from it.I open my hand and give the little rose a soft kiss.You suffered so much just to become this beautiful.I go back near the swing.Little shiny rose, I must say I am sorry.This time I really am guilty and I am going to pay for this.It looks like our story wasn't meant to be.Our story simply ended before it would even begin.This is how it has to be, maybe.It is not too late yet.Maybe we will have another chance someday.I smile and softly place my bloody dark friend on the swing, right near the doll.Right now it is the end, but tomorrow we will start from the begining again.We will try over and over again. We will do it, darling.We will.."